This time for the (dis)balance between genders, bringing back to attention a discussion left in half, not from haste but, alas, from the great obstacles between mindsets and mass public attitudes. Our fear of re-opening and talking about the topic was almost justified. Fear, however, could not justify hesitation in the face of the need to act. We gathered among friends of the center who do not hesitate to prioritize participating in our events. We tried to talk among us about the absurdity of decision-making over HER fate and body by others, by the hungry masses, justified by their relative beliefs. Truth, on the other hand, is not relative, it is absolute.
If others decide for you only on the basis of gender, you do not enjoy the right to your life. You only have one body and one life with an instruction manual of how and when to use it drawn up by the humans who control your life!
Fortunately “Let’s talk” is a cycle of meetings and not an exhausting meeting because otherwise this meeting would have been a disaster in terms of achieving results. To “waltz” with finesse through the discussion about freedom, equality and fairness of treatment for girls/women in Albania until conviction of others to change their patriarchal mindsets hidden deep into them, is simply out of every possibility as an alternative! People have carved their attitudes on the rugged rocks of their minds and insist on them to the point of self-denial in the face of every argument, statistic, evidence or case that is served to them.
It is pitiful to us that people deny the reality of unequal treatment of girls in a society that dictates to them that their actions in life should be disguised with shame or shamelessness; this is so visible and tangible in our society. The one who chooses the second (shamelessness), is forever after labelled, from the father, from the brother, from the husband, from the partner but also from her own gender that agrees with the set of rules for the girl who “is born in a foreign house only to go to her own house (metaphorically since that house is not hers either) ” or that unlike the boy who needs a drop of water to wash away every deed, an ocean is not enough for her, should she be “playing” with her shame/body!
We tried to put each other and especially the boys in the position where others would make decisions about their bodies, asking them how this thought made them feel! It seems clear that the awareness that this can never happen in this life places them in a position of implicit privilege that leaves no room for empathy or even to contemplate changing beliefs of the “we already live in times of equality so let’s not over exaggerate”!
There was also personal TESTIMONY from the girls present. “If you were a boy with this attitude of yours, you would have really moved on in life”! Ah, if you were a little more well-read and spent more time with yourself and less with the masses, this thought would not cross your mind, dear.
Do you really think we succeeded in dealing with the hot topic “Jane Roe versus Harry Wade”?! Think again! There is abortion to save the life of the mother or abortion for pleasure is the general thinking of our society. So there was such a thing as “fun abortion” where SHE is amused by the idea that a doctor will tear pieces of flesh from her body and that this thing will not leave scars of momentary and eternal pain but in fact she will enjoy it physically and emotionally! Take that, common sense!
To put into perspective the dominant opinion of our society in Lezhë (literally), a young girl who gets accidentally pregnant, with no life plan or support system whatsoever, must “take responsibility” as she is not allowed to be a sexual being with needs like her partner (who for the sake of the debater is conveniently eclipsed in this equation or has a vague agreement, just to look good in the conversation, that he should be held accountable). In fact, no one cares to take the discussion beyond categorically denying the right to abortion other than to lynch those who think otherwise. Those who justify their opinion as they are able to put themselves in HER shoes, who has to face the broken system of support from the partner, family, state, society, which eventually leads her to the reality of major losses up to the destruction of her life.
So let’s sell values at the price of HER life, not the seller’s! After “the purchase” is made, they will pray for you and all will be well. This is the will of the crowd, and there’s place only to execute it, not question it!